He listened to Elvis sing about the cold rain on his drive through Kentucky. Unlike the song, he was running, not searching, as red and yellow leaves fell from the trees. He was leaving a ghost that couldn’t be kept; a ghost he only knew through machines. Crystal clear to one is clear as mud to another. She didn’t understand herself, but expected him to read her mind.
Time tore them apart tear by tear. Every drop had its opposite effect on him. They splashed the receiver, and reverberated in the earphones. Their echoes estranged them instead of evoking empathy. Her invisible actions were at first appreciated, but there is a hierarchy of sacrifices. Several could be made with no comparison to one that is begged for, impossible to fulfill.
He was through with sharing her with requests. Their time spent became an open invitation to the thoughts of strangers, though somehow he was still a half secret. He entered her world as just one of the crowd. He was touted as more now, but he still had to watch her life from the bleachers, never allowed to stand up and show his own face. Each tie had to be invisible. His presence was known as hearsay, and his impact could not be admitted.
Just because he drove away, didn’t mean he didn’t still want her. He wanted to see of her things that haven’t been shown. He wanted to hear things from her that haven’t been spoken to others. He wanted a tone all to his own. Yet no matter how hard he tried, he still had to compete with the past, with versions of himself that didn’t exist, his representation in the minds of others, and the open avenues that could, or would not be closed.
He didn’t really want to leave, but he needed somewhere to breath. He needed to flee the city if only for a moment. He had to go into silence because he chose it for once, rather than accepting it as an answer to his plea for words. Part of him knew that if he drove back down that red dirt road, he might never turn back around.
The phone rang through the speakers, cutting through the moment, and her face appeared on his screen…
R.P.D. Sanders
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