One Summer day I went on a run through my town. The forecast projected the high to reach upwards of eighty-five degrees, and for some reason, I decided to go in the middle of the day when the sun was at its highest and the temperature was at its warmest. Depending on which cardinal direction my path went, there was either a slight breeze or no respite from the heat whatsoever. The last long straightaway before I turned into my neighborhood was brutal. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and maybe only two trees gave me shade for a brief two seconds each. The air was dead and humid and I was definitely dehydrated. I’d never been at such a low on a run before to where I thought I’d have to stop or otherwise I’d pass out. But I didn’t stop, I kept going.
I reached the end of the road somehow, and with prayer exhaling from my dry mouth, I took a left and ran no more than thirty seconds before taking another final left which would curve onto my street. As soon as I rounded into the last straight .3 miles before my house, a sudden gust of wind rushed directly against my whole body and continued to flow. The relief was like nothing I’ve ever experienced on a run before. The cool air filled my lungs, and from nowhere, I had a newfound bout of energy. I took advantage of the moment and pushed myself into harder strides to finish the short journey home as quickly as I could. I made it inside to the relief of the air conditioning. I laid down on the ground and thought about how similar that run was to fighting the passions.
When we war against our particular passions, the battle may ebb and flow. Some days our struggle against them is light, and there’s a helpful ascetic breeze from prayer, reading the Scriptures, or fasting. Other times there’s only dead air, and we feel we are about to lose the fight to them, feeling an actual pain in our being from not giving in. We may reach a point where we don’t think we’re going to make it because the heat of the passion is so overwhelming. But when we keep holding our ground, when we keep struggling through the pain of our habits, in the last stretch, God unleashes His Grace on us like a gust of wind that fills our lungs, and gives us a renewed energy to fight, helping us defeat the urge, and rest from the battle.
Each morning is the start of a new run. Every day we battle against our passions. Just as we need the right food and the proper amount of water to run, we need spiritual food and water to fight our spiritual battles. If we are spiritually dehydrated and haven’t fed our souls with the right things, then when something triggers our passions we will surely and quickly fall to them in our weakness. However, even in our spiritual weakness, in times when we haven’t fully prepared because our lives are sometimes too busy to even find time to fast and pray, if we call on God and keep resisting, He will give us Grace, and by it, we will overcome that sinful passion, if we truly want to overcome. I say that because if we enjoy our slavery to the passions deep down, then we won’t ever overcome them. We have to truly want to fight against these passions to overcome them.
So, how do we get ready to fight our passions at all times? Acetic struggles, as directed by the Church (podvig in Russian). Archbishop Averky (Taushev) refers to asceticism as spiritual training. In his work, The Struggle for Virtue: Asceticism in a Modern Secular Society says:
“What specifically does this spiritual training consist of? It consists of continually forcing oneself to perform good works and to suppress the soul’s evil habits and aspirations that resist them. This is no easy matter, inasmuch as it is accompanied by strenuous efforts and not infrequently by a martyric battle that the Holy Fathers and ascetics called, not without reason, self-crucifixion, in accordance with the words of St. Paul: And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires (Gal. 5:24) … The essence of asceticism consists in constantly forcing oneself, constantly making oneself to do not that which the sin living in us wants to do, but rather that which the law of God, the law of good, require. Without this, it goes without saying, there can be no success in the spiritual life.”
God’s Grace doesn’t overcome and control us against our will. It synergistically works with us and helps us overcome our sinful passions. We have to do our part in giving all of our might to fight through the heat of the passions. Using our free will and doing our part in warring against our passions necessarily includes asceticism. Keep running the race for a prize, for a crown that will last forever (1 Cor. 9:24-25). If you fall, get back up again and keep going on the narrow path. As Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica said in Our Thoughts Determine our Lives:
“All of us sin constantly. We slip and fall. In reality, we fall into a trap set by the demons. The Holy Fathers and the Saints always tell us, ‘It is important to get up immediately after a fall and to keep on walking toward God.’ Even if we fall a hundred times a day, it does not matter; we must get up and go on walking toward God without looking back. What has happened has happened – it is in the past. Just keep on going, all the while asking for help from God.”
Sources
Archbishop Averky (Taushev), The Struggle for Virtue: Asceticism in a Modern Secular Society, (Jordanville, NY: Holy Trinity Publications, 2011), xiv-xv.
Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica, Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives: The Life and Teachings of Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica, compiled by the St. Herman of Alaska Brotherhood, translated by Ana Smiljanic, First Edition, (Platina, CA: Saint Herman of Alaska Brotherhood, 2009), 104.