If you run fast enough, you can catch it again. That feeling, that emotion. That ever-evasive bliss. That high atop the mountain feeling. Why can’t you ever keep it? You’ve believed for so long that you have control over your own actions and thoughts, but you’ve come to realize that you’ve confused control with responsibility. If you could control yourself, when you told yourself to focus when it counted the most, and you did indeed listen to your own command, then you wouldn’t be in the position you’re in now. When you told yourself that she loved you, to focus on her and her alone, not what else is going on around you, then she wouldn’t be where she is now, six feet down. But hindsight is 20/20, and when you see the Devil in the details, it’s hard to fight through even the most important parts of your life.
If you were to follow your own advice, then you wouldn’t be paranoid like you are right now. You certainly wouldn’t have been hypnotized by the white noise. You would have stayed focused. You would’ve stayed chasing, faster and faster than you ever had before, and maybe the outcome would have been different. You would be chasing still now, again closet than you’ve ever been, but when you see the Devil behind every bush, you stop running towards what you want and start running away from that which you find.
Ever since that day, you can’t shake the thought of death. You tell yourself to think of now, you only have the present. But you think about how you could die at any moment. It’s not macabre in your world. Death is unifying; the way we die is unique, but we will all die in the end. No matter how much money you have, no matter how many steps of status you’ve progressed, no matter how many friends you have, no matter how much family you take care for, no matter how big your business grows, no matter how good you’ve been to other people, no matter how much you’ve experienced on this Earth. Others may think on the afterlife as a Heaven forever, but when you see the Devil behind every death, it’s hard not to have your heart broken over every soul that is taken.
What can one truly do with these thoughts? You want to help others but you couldn’t help her, & you can’t quite help yourself. How can Everyone attempt Living daily Pretending everything is okay when they’re only lying to themselves? Maybe they’re Ever ignorant of their quiet self-destruct. They play a good game, but when you read between the lines you can see their hidden cries. Forced smiles that only move the mouth, but can’t stop the eyes from showing, like a window, what’s going on in the dark corners of their house. Just when you spot something horrible in the shadows, one of the beings who dwells inside comes to the front door to assure you that everything is fine inside. Trying desperately against their own self-interest to convince you that what you think you saw simply wasn’t so. No, you are not the ruler of your own house, for if you were, then you would be able to keep the curtains closed. At first glance this person speaking to you with fantastic words shouldn’t alarm you, but when you see the Devil in the window of those eyes, you can’t help but wince.