I’m numbed by the days,
Trying to make others
Understand; explaining
Myself months over months.
I’m tired of the anger.
I’m tired of the worry..
I’m tired of planning.
I’m tired of thinking.
I’ve become a secret;
A promise in the dark.
Obedient, yet still found out.
Patience brought me here.
I’ve got nothing left.
I’ve lost all cares.
I’ve hit the wall of
Learned helplessness.
I don’t expect there’s a light
At the end of the tunnel.
The tunnel is even so
Far away now.
Unmarked, uncharted,
But understandable.
And for the first time,
I’m okay with it all.
It is what it is.
What will be, will be.
Familiar phrases taking on
New perspective frames.
I’ve given it my all
Still with no next step.
I’ve cautiously begged to be heard,
But it all comes out unserious.
Sometimes niceties make
Everything too quiet.
The truth comes out cold
From repression in the soul.
I’m not reaching out,
I’ll have to be found.
For peace by myself,
No cheers from the crowd.
I’m giving up and in,
Reverting to silence.
I wouldn’t say I don’t care,
Rather I can’t care anymore.
For preservation of sanity
I’m bowing out of my imagination
To live In reality where at least
I know for sure I’m alone.
-R.P.D. Sanders